Tag: writing

How do I say goodbye?

I was driving and listening to the random songs the radio plays and I heard this song the first time. I didn’t know it at all. The lyrics were sung with clarity and emotion. It hit me. And, I realized tears were rolling down my cheeks, and the road became blurry, so I had to pull over.

It was the grief I had been delaying from a loss I will never recover. The song was beautiful, but each word was like a cruel premonition I was glad not to hear before the bad news came to me.

It was the nightmare I would wake up due to wetness on my face. I never wanted it to happen.

The song is from Dean Lewis, entitled, HOW DO I SAY GOODBYE. And it goes like this (with my remarks for each line)…

Early morning there’s a message on my phone (It was 4am CDT when I received the message)
It’s my mother saying, “Darling, please come home” (It was my kuya saying, tatay is gone, could you come home?)
I fear the worst, but how could you leave us all behind? (My worst fear is now reality)
There’s so much to say but there’s so little time (There are so many things I dreamt for him, but little time to turn them into life)

So how do I say goodbye (How do I really say goodbye?)
To someone who’s been with me for my whole damn life? (From birth until 2021, I was with him)
You gave me my name and the color of your eyes (Literally, he gave me my name cos my mom was still unconscious from the C-section)
I see your face when I look at mine (I see your nose when I look mine, an insecurity that I learned to embrace)
So how do I, how do I, how do I say goodbye? (How do I?)

When I couldn’t, you always saw the best in me (He was my number 1 cheerleader)
Right or wrong, you were always on my side (When I doubt myself, he was there to lift me up)
But I’m scared of what life without you’s like (I couldn’t imagine my life without you, but then it’s my life now)
And I saw the way she looked into your eyes (I saw the way you looked into us, to live our lives and not worry about you anymore)
And I promise if you go, I will make sure she’s alright (I could say that nanay looks alright)

So how do I say goodbye (I still can’t)
To someone who’s been with me for my whole damn life? (You can’t expect me to. It was 3 decades of my life you were with me, loving me unconditionally)
You gave me my name and the color of your eyes (Luzviminda, dark brown eyes – all came from you)
I see your face when I look at mine (I see the love you gave when I don’t desperately crave for another guy’s attention)
So how do I, how do I, how do I say goodbye? (In time)

And there’s no way you could ever let me down (You left, but you fought a good fight)
Gonna steal some time and start again (No time to steal, but will start again without you)
You’ll always be my closest friend (The first man who showed me how love should look like)
And someday we are gonna make it out (I will try to make it out of this life for you)
Just hold the light, just hold the light (You’d always be that star shining the brightest to light me up when life is getting dark)

So how do I say goodbye
To someone who’s been with me for my whole damn life?
You gave me my name and the color of your eyes
I see your face when I look at mine
So how do I, how do I, how do I say goodbye?
So how do I, how do I, how do I say goodbye?

I hate the rain

People often ask, what is your favorite season?

When you grew up in a tropical place where you only have sunny or rainy days, I bet they’ll choose summer and would say they hate the cold. You can’t be surprised to know that they like all four seasons – summer, spring, summer, and fall, as I do.

That is why it is difficult to choose only one of these four. But, if asked what season I hate the most, in the blink of an eye, I know the answer right away.

Let’s go back to the tropical place where we get 20+ typhoons every single year, and we only have sunny and rainy days — without hesitation, I would say that I hate the rainy days. No offense to farmers in drier places who need water for their crops. Rain gives me anxiety, and I guess no one likes that feeling.

When I started living in a landlocked place with much less rainfall than where I grew up, I met people who found calm and solace in the sound and smell of rain. With a smile on their face, they would ask me if I felt the same. My answer has always been a NO.

Plants love it. But I am far from being a plant.

I played in the rain as a kid, but as I grew up, I saw how it had been destroying our house and peace of mind — the reason you won’t find any rain sound in my playlist despite claiming it to put you in sleep.

For me, rain often meant strong winds trying to peel off the iron roof of our house, heavy downpour leaking and wetting our beds, and eventually, flooding damaging our things (notebooks, clothes, etc.).

Strong winds made my heart beat 180 times per minute as I heard the creek coming from the roof, indicating that our roof might get blown away. The continuous howling of the wind at night was our alarm clock with no cancel/stop button, waking up the whole family. Next thing I knew, we were all grabbing wires tied to the roof and its foundation and helping each other save our house for the next 3 to 5 hours until this typhoon passed by our town.

Heavy downpours of rain would mean that we must try to sleep with a bucket next to us to catch the water dripping from the roof, albeit not rest until the heaviest part of the rain had passed. We needed to check every minute if the rain was about to come into our house.

Then, there was the flooding. It meant we needed to lift things like our fridge, couch, television, etc., things we find important, so they would not be damaged by the flood. It also meant to expect snakes, toads, or crickets to swim inside the house to find shelter, which added to my anxiety during typhoons. Ugh.

I hate the rain.

If I could only touch every words

In today’s digital age, words hold immense power. They are the bridge connecting thoughts, ideas, and emotions across the vast landscape of the internet. If only I could touch every word that has ever been spoken, written, or searched for! If I could reach out and touch those words, I would uncover the heartbeats of countless stories, from the mundane to the extraordinary.

The Magic of Words

Words are more than just tools for communication; they are vessels of emotion, intent, and creativity. Each word carries a weight, a history, and a myriad of interpretations. If I could touch every word, I would feel the echoes of countless stories and experiences. People search for advice, seek solutions to problems, or simply look for inspiration. If I could delve deeper into each word, I would unearth the hidden motivations and feelings behind them.

The Stories Behind the Searches

Whenever someone types a query into a search engine, they reveal a piece of their soul. Are they seeking help with a problem? Searching for inspiration? Or simply looking to escape into a world ideal for them? If I could access those hidden layers behind each search term, I would gain insight into the collective human experience. I would understand the hopes and fears, the triumphs and struggles, that drive people to who they are becoming.

Crafting Meaningful Content

As a writer, I dream of crafting content that resonates. If I could truly touch every word, I would know exactly what people need to hear. I could weave together narratives that speak to their hearts, providing solace, inspiration, and motivation. The ability to connect deeply with the audience through the right words would elevate storytelling to new heights.

Listening to the Digital Echoes

In essence, the internet is a vast echo chamber of human thought. Every search, every click, sends ripples through the digital realm. If I could grasp those echoes, I would like to listen closely to the dialogues occurring around the world. This understanding could lead to a more compassionate and informed society.

The Future of Words

As we move into an increasingly digital future, our relationship with words continues to evolve. From text messages to social media, the way we express ourselves is changing. If I could touch every word, I would engage with the evolving language of our times, understanding the nuances of communication in the digital age. I would embrace new forms of expression while honoring the timeless power of language.

Rest is ok. Rest is productive. Rest.

The hustle culture demands lots of our time and energy.

It’s a thief of our feeling to have a break.

Take a minute to breathe and think about rest again.

Do I deserve it?

Did I work very well?

Yes?

Then, do not hesitate.

Take that break fully and intentionally.

Rest is good for the body, mind and soul.

It allows you to calm down.

It relaxes you.

It gives you a brand new energy to work again.

It avoids burn out.

Burn out is a silent poison of dreams, vision and passion.

A poison hard to get the antidote.

A poison that lingers for years.

A poison incurable at times.

A poison we can all avoid by taking that pill we call mindful rest.

Rest will be your antidote, pain-reliever, and cure.

Today, if you are tired, choose rest without guilt.

Rest is ok.

Rest is productive.

Rest.

December 3: never easy (to change but will be worth it)

I feel like I lost a lot of hours in my life not living to my full potential for years. Looking back, I could’ve started sooner and build these habits to have it now. But those hours are gone now. What I can do would be to make up those lost hours – maybe pulling an all-nighter? I don’t know. This process is trial and error. We try. We fail. We learn. And it will be worth it in the end.